Jackie Maslow

Update: Codee is still my friend. He was just high as a motherfuck last night.

I got really drunk last night and started crying because Chris’s girlfriend is named Toni. So I was crying about Tony and called Emanni, crying about it. Then I realized I had no friends so I called a bunch of people looking for a friend but luckily no one really answered their phone. I found out that Emanni is my friend. And I called my friend Codee but I think he hung up on me so I called his friend Halen who I don’t think is my friend because I’m pretty sure he got mad at me for calling him- or just plain existing. Then I called Codee like five more times but he didn’t answer. My brother came home and found me sitting outside my house, crying and saying I have no friends and he told my mom and she made me go to bed and my sister asked me what was wrong in a very aggressive way but I said I didn’t want to talk about it so I just went to bed. Everyone was mad at me.

Then I called Kristal because I was going to ask her why Tony doesn’t like me back and I was going to get his number and ask him myself but my mom came into my room just as Kristal answered the phone and she took my phone away. Pretty sure that was a good thing.

I never get drunk in front of my family and I am definitely not a cryer but yesterday happened and I remember every painful detail of it. This is the ONLY time I’ve been an annoying, emotional drunk. I usually have so much fun when I drink.

Lesson learned: don’t drink with family.

My friend was at the VMAs and he knows I like 5 Seconds of Summer so he sent me this.

People are literally tweeting “first day of college ✔️” and I’m over here like oh my god get the fuck over it it’s just fucking school for fucks sake.

hunky-bat:

synchronised catting

crocusleaf:

crocusleaf:

I am the black Medusa. 

will this get 1,000 notes before i die?  

So my sister and I were watching Hercules and the entire movie is basically Hercules trying to prove himself a god so he can rejoin his family on Olympus. But then at the end when he’s fighting all of the Titans ON OLYMPUS, him not being a god doesn’t seem to be a problem. How did he get up there? He’s not a god. Who let him up there?

sheeplock-holmes:

my-patronus-is-obamas-face:

beben-eleben:

20 Awesome Acts Of Celebrity Kindness

I am actually crying wtf is wrong with me

The last one is what got me

So I went to get my hair trimmed today and my stylist was watching her grandkids and the oldest one, a four year old girl, was wearing a One Direction shirt.

So I asked her who her favorite was and she said she didn’t know but her mom likes Harry. So I asked which one was Harry and she pointed to Liam (pre shaved head, mind you) and said uh, this one! And I was like, are you sure? To which she replied yes. Then I pointed to Harry and said, I think that one’s Harry, and she was like, he’s Harry too.

Then she pointed to Louis and said he was Harry. Then she said, in the happiest, most carefree voice, they’re all Harry.

iamthekingofsassgard:

bucketchallenge:

Robert Pattinson

i caNT BREATHE

btrandkittens:

Logie Bear :3

btrandkittens:

Logie Bear :3

westernkanye:

An important purchase

westernkanye:

An important purchase